In November 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
As a Type A personality and someone who naturally processes chaos by organizing it, I felt the need to do something. I wanted to help myself, yes, but more than that, I wanted to support the people around me: my family, friends, and even professional colleagues, who were all navigating their own emotional responses to my diagnosis.
So, I did what came naturally: I made a list.
These ten guidelines were my grounding points. My daily compass. They are gentle reminders that even in darkness, we can find light. Whether you’re facing illness, loss, uncertainty, or a personal storm of any kind, I hope they bring you comfort, courage, and a little bit of peace.
1. Pray — Ask for Strength, Patience, and Faith
Whether you believe in God, the Universe, a higher self, or simply the act of pausing for reflection, prayer is powerful. It doesn’t have to be formal or rehearsed. Just speak from your heart. Ask for strength when you feel weak. Ask for faith when you feel uncertain. Ask for patience when your mind is racing.
Look up. You are never alone.
2. Breathe — Let Go of Negative Thoughts
When anxiety swells up, your breath becomes your anchor.
Take five deep, intentional breaths. Inhale slowly. Hold. Exhale deeply. Repeat. Hold your breath between the inhale and exhale, this helps exaggerate your breathing rhythm and makes the release even more powerful.
It’s a simple, free tool that can slow your heart rate, clear your head, and return you to the present moment.
3. Laugh — Find Joy in the Smallest Moments
Laughter might seem impossible during a difficult time, but it’s one of the best forms of medicine.
Watch silly videos, read awkward memes, or think of a funny memory. One of my personal favorites? The website Awkward Family Photos; pure gold.
Laughter reminds us that not everything has to be serious all the time. Even amid the hardest days, joy is still possible.
4. Communicate (Without Expectations)
People want updates. They want to know how you’re doing. But feeling the need to constantly reply or explain yourself can be exhausting.
So here’s a freeing mindset shift: Say what you need to say, but don’t expect a response.
You don’t have to carry the weight of their emotions and your own. Speak your truth. Let it land. Let go of the rest.
5. Be Patient —This Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint
Healing doesn’t come overnight. Whether you’re undergoing treatment, moving through grief, or dealing with life upheaval, your journey will take time.
So give yourself grace. Be gentle with your body, your emotions, your expectations.
You’re doing better than you think.
6. Let People Help You—On Your Terms
Everyone wants to help. But sometimes it’s hard to know how to receive it. So here’s what I suggest: make it easy for them by giving them something specific.
Set up a meal train.
Ask a friend to organize card-writing for your kids, include gift cards for ice cream or little surprises.
Request small things; like three groceries you need: mine were sourdough bread, bananas, and chicken wild rice soup.
Let friends take your kids to the pool, playground, or Science Center.
You don’t have to go it alone, and you don’t have to control everything either. Say yes to help, in a way that feels comfortable for you.
8. Cry — Let the Tears Flow
It’s okay to cry. Let yourself break down. You’re not weak for feeling the weight of everything that’s happening ; you’re human.
Crying is a form of release. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re acknowledging the depth of what you’re going through.
And remember this: you will get through it.
9. Seek Support — You Deserve to Be Heard
Don’t carry everything on your own. Whether it’s calling a friend, joining a local support group, or speaking to a licensed therapist, there is always someone willing to listen.
If you’re navigating an illness like cancer, check in with your local oncology center. Many offer free or low-cost support groups.
If your heart feels too full and your thoughts too heavy, seek out a professional. You don’t have to “earn” that space, you already deserve it.
10. Get Well Checks — Put Your Health First
Even during the chaos, make your health a priority.
Don’t put off doctor appointments. Don’t ignore a symptom or skip a follow-up. Whether you’re in treatment or simply dealing with stress, your body needs care and attention.
And once you’ve made it through this storm? Keep up with your check-ups. Self-care is not a luxury. It’s a necessity.
Final Reflection: You Are Not Alone
These guidelines aren’t rules. They’re reminders. Anchors. Friendly whispers to keep going when life feels unbearable.
Healing, grieving, navigating difficult times, it’s never linear. Some days you’ll breathe and pray and laugh. Other days you’ll cry in your car and ignore every message on your phone.
And that’s okay.
You don’t have to be positive all the time to make it through. But returning to these 10 small acts—bit by bit, one at a time ; might just carry you forward.
“You can do this. Even when it sucks. Even when it’s hard. Especially then.”
You are stronger than you know.