A recent devotional got me thinking. The author explained how bad girls have it right… now this is way too broad, but she went into specific details about how they are more their authentic selves. As what could be seen as a recovering or past bad girl, I needed to expound on a few things that really matter to me and how I view the world.
Authenticity Isn’t for the Faint of Heart
Being a truly authentic person to those around you; your family, your colleagues, your inner circle; is not for the faint of heart. When you’re always honest, you will rub people the wrong way. You’re not intentionally trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, but when someone asks for your “honest opinion” and you dare to give it, be prepared for some backlash.
This has been my M.O. for ages, but I’ve learned to be more aware of the audience (even if it’s an audience of one) and bring my strong interpretation into focus; gently.
Teenage Angst and the Bad Girl Vibe
Teenage angst is also part of the bad girl energy. Not caring what others thought? That was me 100%. Caring if you liked my combat boots? Irrelevant. The fact that you even believed your opinion mattered to me? Laughable. I was my own woman. Get out of my way.
But being your unapologetically intense self can backfire; not necessarily when you’re a teen, but when you become a mother.
The Bad Girl Meets Motherhood
Let me explain. When you bring another human into the world, you’re now required to keep them alive, help them thrive, and give everything to them so that they become the best version of themselves. Being a bad girl as a mom is the antithesis of being a good mom.
If the movie Bad Moms taught anyone anything, it’s that you do need to take care of yourself, and not let society dictate how you add value as a woman or a mother. But Susan Sarandon’s character in the film? She was the self-absorbed, narcissistic type. That’s not a “bad girl”, that’s just an absent mother. And unfortunately, many women grew up with that kind of parent (and I use the term loosely).
Some women overcompensate for this trauma by going to the other extreme: attending every soccer game, volunteering weekly, staying up late finishing classroom projects no one else would touch. This isn’t sustainable either. It’s not the solution.
Finding the Middle Ground
So, where’s the middle ground?
Be authentic—but don’t forget that you’re not the most important person in the world. You may be one of the most important people in your family’s life, but that’s where it ends.
Authenticity means more than speaking your mind. It’s:
- Reading what excites you
- Embracing hobbies that others laugh at
- Eating in front of people, even when indulging
- Making jokes about yourself—but still knowing you’re amazing
When I Coach Women…
When I coach a new client, I listen closely for signs they care way too much about what others think, or that they’ve made tragic assumptions about their future. Letting a client speak uninterrupted is less about the words and more about how they’re saying them.
Some of the most successful women I know will admit the sacrifices they made for success—but rarely talk about the emotional or psychological toll.
Don’t Fake Regret
One example: I was speaking with a longtime colleague, incredibly successful, who casually mentioned she wished she’d had kids. Obvious? Maybe. But some women never wanted kids and felt their career was enough—yet society pressures them into pretending they regret it.
Why?
If that same woman had told me, “I never wanted children,” I’d applaud her honesty. We should applaud that. Too many women are bullied or manipulated into choices they never wanted—one of which is motherhood.
I admit, I once believed I wouldn’t be a good mom. I didn’t think I had a maternal bone in my body. But was that belief rooted in truth, or in how I saw my own mother?
My mom was a drill sergeant: “My way or the highway.” Childhood was to be endured, not enjoyed. But that was the ‘80s. We live in a different world now.
So if you don’t want to have kids, get married, or own a home; that’s your right. Don’t let what others think define you.
Own Your Narrative
Be your own author,not someone else’s expectation.
And when someone tries to push you in a certain direction, confront it. You can approach it directly or with finesse; but either way, don’t allow it to derail your truth.
Live Like You Know the Expiration Date
Live your life like you know the expiration date.
Put exciting and fulfilling things on your to-do list, even if they might make you look silly. That’s the real bad girl manifesto:
- Live life to the fullest
- Be authentic
- Wear your diamonds
- Rock those heels
- Never forget your red lipstick
She’s not an alter ego. She’s the warrior deep inside you.
She’s my default setting. I’ve told my now-teenagers: don’t press the b*tch button—because you will be sorry.
xo, Laura